A Heaping Helping of Bad

I’ve mentioned this before, but will continue to flog this horse: dining on Barracks Row and around Eastern Market ranges from mediocre to horrible. My first impressions of Cava – the new Mediterranean tapas place – were woefully off course; I refuse to ever pick over the dried-out sub-continent servings from Pennsylvania Avenue’s Aatish on the Hill again; Jordan’s 8, which just celebrated an anniversary, deserves to go out of business with its lack of service (asking for utensils three times seems a bit much, but perhaps the staff was trying to do me a favor), slapdash treatment of vegetables (is cooked spinach really quite difficult), and a ravioli that could be bested by something from a can; and to top off the list Banana Café – reputedly a “Mexican” joint – can’t even produce a decent fajita that isn’t slathered in grease or an ingredient that doesn't look as if it came from the "international" section of Walmart's food aisle.

Matchbox is a lonely exception to this drek, and now comes news that the owners will be opening up a new spot a few doors down, dubbed Ted’s Bulletin. Hill Rag reports that Ted’s, an American diner, is expected to open up in February of 2010. The owners suggested that this prime location would have been snapped up anyways, so they decided to preempt such competition. However, given the current state of dining in the neighborhood, Ted’s fiercest competition will likely be its corporate pizza- and mini-burger-serving cousin next door.

Meanwhile, closer to the ballpark, at the corner of 3rd St. and K St. SE, the Cornercopia deli and cornerstore has debuted. Check back soon for a review of its sandwich offerings…

Banana Cafe

If only I'd been able to split on the tab at the end of the night... Now, I was in a particularly good mood heading over to the Banana Cafe, knowing it wouldn't be my typical "table for one." But, the admittedly bustling spot on Barracks Row disappointed in too many ways to encourage a return visit any time soon. For starters, I ordered the ceviche and white sangria; the ceviche was apparently the chef's way of dumping all his extra produce and day-old market fish. Appetizers are supposed to be tiny tastes, promising something more, but the cook gave away the kitchen sink, and I had to push the heaping plate away, barely dented. And endure a "knowing" glare from the waiter removing my barely-touched plate. For a place that has extensive small plates (aka tapas), this was an ill-considered beginning to the meal. Furthermore, the sangria tasted like it had been melting in ice for a better part of the day, and the weather wasn't even particularly warm.

The plate of mixed seafood and stuffed plantains broke even, but the frat-house level of cooking that rubberized the scallops was inexcusable, especially since our table had arrived before the Sunday evening crowd. My abilty to cook far underperforms my ability to eat, but even on a first at-home try pan-searing scallops, I managed to avoid turning my scallops into Firestone tires. Of course the Banana scallops weren't even seared! The shrimp and other bites of seafood were unremarkable. But, the waiter's inability to differentiate a white and red sangria, and his reluctance to visit our table even once after dropping off chips and salsa for all, spoke to a casual indifference to service that is problematic throughout D.C., and particularly troubling around Capitol Hill. While significantly less expensive than nearby locales such as Locanda and Matchbox, given these tough economic times, my recommendation for the casual neighborhood diner is to stay in and splurge on a DVD during dinner. Let the tourists keep Banana Cafe afloat, or let it sink and be replaced by something new.

Rating: 3/10
In Short: Stay away unless you are looking for dueling pianos and the off chance you'll run into someone interesting at the bar; this is a tourist trap, plain and simple.
Website: http://www.bananacafedc.com/
Location: 509 6th St SE, Washington, DC 20003