A Heaping Helping of Bad

I’ve mentioned this before, but will continue to flog this horse: dining on Barracks Row and around Eastern Market ranges from mediocre to horrible. My first impressions of Cava – the new Mediterranean tapas place – were woefully off course; I refuse to ever pick over the dried-out sub-continent servings from Pennsylvania Avenue’s Aatish on the Hill again; Jordan’s 8, which just celebrated an anniversary, deserves to go out of business with its lack of service (asking for utensils three times seems a bit much, but perhaps the staff was trying to do me a favor), slapdash treatment of vegetables (is cooked spinach really quite difficult), and a ravioli that could be bested by something from a can; and to top off the list Banana Café – reputedly a “Mexican” joint – can’t even produce a decent fajita that isn’t slathered in grease or an ingredient that doesn't look as if it came from the "international" section of Walmart's food aisle.

Matchbox is a lonely exception to this drek, and now comes news that the owners will be opening up a new spot a few doors down, dubbed Ted’s Bulletin. Hill Rag reports that Ted’s, an American diner, is expected to open up in February of 2010. The owners suggested that this prime location would have been snapped up anyways, so they decided to preempt such competition. However, given the current state of dining in the neighborhood, Ted’s fiercest competition will likely be its corporate pizza- and mini-burger-serving cousin next door.

Meanwhile, closer to the ballpark, at the corner of 3rd St. and K St. SE, the Cornercopia deli and cornerstore has debuted. Check back soon for a review of its sandwich offerings…

Hunt for the Elusive Tonic

This weekend I scoured the vast expanse of southeast liquor stores in search of the elusive tonic water. Something so simple: Schweppes, regular, tonic water. Not diet. Not Canada Dry. Not a generic brand. Either plastic bottles or glass would have been acceptable, though of course the glass bottles are preferable. And yet, as I bull-moosed my way, sweating, in shorts and cut-off pitted-out white t-shirt, topped off by a soaked do-rag, I was inevitably disappointed at every stop.

I was finishing a run through D.C., and thought to pick up some tonic water at one of the ubiquitous liquor stores along Pennsylvania Ave., but repeatedly shoved my way past Saturday night Capitol Hill crowds only to be frustrated in my search. After leaving 7 liquor stores along Pennsylvania and Barracks Row, two CVS drugstores, and a deluxe Harris Teeter, empty-handed, I was only more determined to find my one needed ingredient for a cool gin and tonic (G&T).

I got into the car and - braving crowds of pedestrians walking around Nationals ballpark, I drove to yet another liquor store on South Capitol (aka Taxation Without Representation Street), only to be foiled by another unenlightened shopkeeper, as well as annoyed by hounds of punk kids buying flask-sized Jack Daniel's bottles. There was only one alternative left: The "Unsafe" Safeway (Ed. note: there seems to be some disagreement about the identity of the genuine "Unsafe" Safeway). Not my moniker for Southwest's only (I think?) grocery store, but that's how the blogerati and hipsters refer to it. Well, I finally found several sticky bottles of Schweppes regular tonic water - the plastic kind, not refrigerated - at Safeway, and was able to return home victorious. To enjoy the most hard-earned G&T ever.

Update: Harris Teeter usually carries some sort of Schweppes regular tonic water, but in this case, every in-store location had been "looted" prior to my arrival, and the storeroom - it was realized after an exhaustive search - was empty of Schweppes, too.

Cava Disappoints, but still Par for the Neighborhood

I can safely say, Cava has settled in, as just another mediocre, over-priced, Eastern Market restaurant. Despite the scene it continues to make in its opening weeks, with local - and I mean really local - big-wigs popping in to try its food and savor the long bar, I would suggest nothing more than a drink or two, and perhaps one small plate. During my first visit I tried Greek specialties - feta cheese, honey, hummus, pita bread - and was rewarded. But at the owner's urging, who claimed "everything on the menu is excellent, there's nothing I wouldn't recommend," I ventured further afield my the second time around.

And was sorely disappointed for my efforts. The mushroom trahana, a greek take on grits, was serviceable, but bland. So too, the roasted mussels. The disco fries, by which the management swears, were a complete disaster: The fries were gelatinous and cold; the braised pork topping was certainly tough, but left me wondering if the chef had forgotten that part about making the meat actually palatable; and the sour cream dollops failed to bring the dish together - indeed they broke the mushed fries apart as I attempted to free them from their earthen serving bowl. Meatballs from the grill, ensconced in a red sauce, were the exception for the evening. Unfortunately, here, presentation failed miserably, as each meatball looked like a singular turd on my plate.

The staff could definitely use some tips on service as well. Waiting 20-25 minutes for a refresh on my beverage is unacceptable in all circumstances. But being forced to endure such a long dry spell, while sitting at the bar, attended by 3 bartenders, wears on credulity. Perhaps the service limitations have already been recognized. The fancily named Artemis, Persephone, and other deity-dubbed cocktails, have all been replaced by simple ingredient lists. Apparently, a half dozen themed drinks were too much to remember for most of the staff. And again, no dessert? Twice now, I've sat down for cocktails, an entire course of small plates, followed by more cocktails, but have yet to be offered a choice of dessert. And no, last-minute, thrown-together, defrosted baklava, served up by a cook who's already taken her hat off for the evening, is not my idea of a fine finish to the meal.

Rating: 5/10
In Short: Questionable service has given way to poor service, and many non-Greek or complex dishes are downright bad. Keep it simple: cheese; hummus. Still, a prime location with a cool, airy interior, and (presumably, soon) a rooftop patio.
Website: http://dc.cavamezze.com/site/home
Location: 527 8th Street SE, 20003

New Tapas Place Faces off Market, Mini-Burgers

The Eastern Market/Barracks Row blocks in Southeast are bucking current market trends – or at least trying to - with several restaurant openings in recent weeks. First, Matchbox opened its second site in the Capitol on Barracks Row, perhaps looking to take advantage of the increasingly populated area thanks to Nationals baseball. Now comes Cava, a Greek mezze-style (tapas) restaurant. Cava boasts lamb mini-sliders that are set to take on, and perhaps dethrone Matchbox’s heralded mini-burgers. With a smooth buttery taste – thanks to a blend of yogurt and feta - and a complement of arugula that engulfs the precisely-cooked tendrils of leg, Cava provides a fresher and tenderer alternative to Matchbox’s too-often dried out minis. But that’s not all: feta cheese dipped in honey is perfectly evocative of what a shepherd would have offered to a wandering Odysseus, while the pita arrives warm from the oven and the olives are succulent. The inside décor has received considerable attention as well. The dangling globe-lights hovering at varying lengths above the tables are something out of a midsummer night, looking as much like natural luminescence from lighting bugs as anything else. Lighting farther back in the restaurant and above the bar is elegantly recessed and unobtrusive, while the flat-screen televisions above the bar are unimposing, yet good resolution. According to the chief bartender, the first week for Cava has been a good trial run for the staff, busy, but not overwhelming. Indeed, by my count late on a Sunday night, staff at the bar outnumbered patrons 3:1.

That’s not to say the opening has been completely flawless. The signature “Persephone” cocktail was absent because the bar had run out of Maker’s Mark. And while the man behind the bar put together a cool and refreshing raspberry mojito, I was less impressed with “Artemis,” as the drink's citrus combination became lost in the added sugar. The asparagus frittata, while ably prepared, could perhaps be removed to the brunch menu. Finally, the barstools leave something to be desired, namely, a back rest. With just a few inches of support, the stools certainly don’t allow for much relaxing, but then, for most of my meal I was hunched with anticipation of my next bite. Also annoying, paying for the pita. I don’t expect to be charged for bread and butter in a French restaurant, and shouldn’t be incurring this “fee” here either. But in this already overpriced area, Cava doesn’t significantly differ from its neighborhood competitors. As can be expected in the first week, service was off. The hostess informed me the kitchen was open until 10, but several minutes after the hour, I was being rushed through the check and my last drink. I hadn’t intended to order dessert, but I had barely a chance to digest, much less savor my meal, before I was being ushered out. This, despite the fact several tables were still occupied in the main dining room. And the owner, seated next to me, didn’t seem moved to correct the hurrying attitude of the staff.

There’s much to look forward at Cava, and with only a few mistakes marring what was still opening week, I expect the kinks will be worked out soon enough. In addition to the main dining room and bar, there’s a second floor – perfect for private parties, I’m told - as well as a soon-to-be opened rooftop area. I wouldn’t mind returning to look out over the neighborhood while enjoying something from the cellar or a signature drink. In this evolving restaurant row, Cava opened at an inopportune moment, but for tapas-style meals, Cava’s mezze can’t be beat short of a journey to downtown. I'll check back to update this conditional rating, once Cava is in the swing of things...

Rating: 7/10 (conditional)
In Short: The best tapas, and perhaps the best meal available, in and around Eastern Market, where restaurants are habitually overpriced and mediocre. Good bartending, but questionable service in its first week since opening. (conditional)
Website: http://dc.cavamezze.com/site/home
Location: 527 8th Street SE, 20003

Banana Cafe

If only I'd been able to split on the tab at the end of the night... Now, I was in a particularly good mood heading over to the Banana Cafe, knowing it wouldn't be my typical "table for one." But, the admittedly bustling spot on Barracks Row disappointed in too many ways to encourage a return visit any time soon. For starters, I ordered the ceviche and white sangria; the ceviche was apparently the chef's way of dumping all his extra produce and day-old market fish. Appetizers are supposed to be tiny tastes, promising something more, but the cook gave away the kitchen sink, and I had to push the heaping plate away, barely dented. And endure a "knowing" glare from the waiter removing my barely-touched plate. For a place that has extensive small plates (aka tapas), this was an ill-considered beginning to the meal. Furthermore, the sangria tasted like it had been melting in ice for a better part of the day, and the weather wasn't even particularly warm.

The plate of mixed seafood and stuffed plantains broke even, but the frat-house level of cooking that rubberized the scallops was inexcusable, especially since our table had arrived before the Sunday evening crowd. My abilty to cook far underperforms my ability to eat, but even on a first at-home try pan-searing scallops, I managed to avoid turning my scallops into Firestone tires. Of course the Banana scallops weren't even seared! The shrimp and other bites of seafood were unremarkable. But, the waiter's inability to differentiate a white and red sangria, and his reluctance to visit our table even once after dropping off chips and salsa for all, spoke to a casual indifference to service that is problematic throughout D.C., and particularly troubling around Capitol Hill. While significantly less expensive than nearby locales such as Locanda and Matchbox, given these tough economic times, my recommendation for the casual neighborhood diner is to stay in and splurge on a DVD during dinner. Let the tourists keep Banana Cafe afloat, or let it sink and be replaced by something new.

Rating: 3/10
In Short: Stay away unless you are looking for dueling pianos and the off chance you'll run into someone interesting at the bar; this is a tourist trap, plain and simple.
Website: http://www.bananacafedc.com/
Location: 509 6th St SE, Washington, DC 20003

Matchbox Update II

Another update, coming from Tom Sietsema's Washington Post weekly restaurant and dining out chat.

Ballpark neighborhood, D.C.: Maybe I've missed you addressing this recently -- sorry if this is a repeat: When is the Matchbox on 8th supposed to open? Food down here by the ballpark leaves much to be desired.

Tom Sietsema: "We're shooting for the third week of October," says Matchbox co-owner Ty Neal. "Right now, we're working on finishes: tile work and hard wood floors." A crucial piece of equipment is in place, however: the pizza oven. Neal says he and his team will probably pick a Monday for their soft opening.

I can't wait...

Matchbox Update

According to Tom Sietsema of the Washington Post, the Matchbox pizza restaurant's expansion on Barracks Row, near the Eastern Market Metro, is expecting to open up this Fall, perhaps as early as September-October.