Hunt for the Elusive Tonic

This weekend I scoured the vast expanse of southeast liquor stores in search of the elusive tonic water. Something so simple: Schweppes, regular, tonic water. Not diet. Not Canada Dry. Not a generic brand. Either plastic bottles or glass would have been acceptable, though of course the glass bottles are preferable. And yet, as I bull-moosed my way, sweating, in shorts and cut-off pitted-out white t-shirt, topped off by a soaked do-rag, I was inevitably disappointed at every stop.

I was finishing a run through D.C., and thought to pick up some tonic water at one of the ubiquitous liquor stores along Pennsylvania Ave., but repeatedly shoved my way past Saturday night Capitol Hill crowds only to be frustrated in my search. After leaving 7 liquor stores along Pennsylvania and Barracks Row, two CVS drugstores, and a deluxe Harris Teeter, empty-handed, I was only more determined to find my one needed ingredient for a cool gin and tonic (G&T).

I got into the car and - braving crowds of pedestrians walking around Nationals ballpark, I drove to yet another liquor store on South Capitol (aka Taxation Without Representation Street), only to be foiled by another unenlightened shopkeeper, as well as annoyed by hounds of punk kids buying flask-sized Jack Daniel's bottles. There was only one alternative left: The "Unsafe" Safeway (Ed. note: there seems to be some disagreement about the identity of the genuine "Unsafe" Safeway). Not my moniker for Southwest's only (I think?) grocery store, but that's how the blogerati and hipsters refer to it. Well, I finally found several sticky bottles of Schweppes regular tonic water - the plastic kind, not refrigerated - at Safeway, and was able to return home victorious. To enjoy the most hard-earned G&T ever.

Update: Harris Teeter usually carries some sort of Schweppes regular tonic water, but in this case, every in-store location had been "looted" prior to my arrival, and the storeroom - it was realized after an exhaustive search - was empty of Schweppes, too.